When we first started seeing the wave of reality tv (I’m talking like 2000 or so) when Survivor, Amazing Race, and the now forgotten The Mole started, I admit, I watched. I watched the first two seasons of Survivor. I watched the first season of both Amazing Race and The Mole.

But then something terrible happened. Reality tv began to dominate the networks. One semi-succesful concept immediately led to the creation of 3-5 ripoffs on other networks. What’s worse, all this happens while networks squeeze every ounce of life out of any reality show.

Don’t believe me? Consider these god awful numbers of seasons for these ‘shows’ (all according to www.realitytvworld.com):
20: Survivor
17: The Real World
15: Amazing Race.
14: The Bachelor.
13: America’s Next Top Model.
11: Big Brother
9: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars.
8: Biggest Loser, Hell’s Kitchen.
7: Top Chef
6: Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance
5: Bachelorette, Beauty and the Geek.
4: Real Housewives of…
3: Flavor of Love, Temptation Island.

You get the idea. The point is, some of these were intriguing ideas for a few seasons (Survivor, Temptation Island, Beauty and the Geek, etc). However, some of these are so ridiculously stupid (Real Housewives, Biggest Loser, Real World) that it blows my mind that people actually watch it.

But the biggest problems I have with reality tv are these.

First, it’s not all ‘reality.’ Multiple shows on this list require contestants to sign waivers saying they won’t talk about the show’s production. I stopped watching Survivor after the Africa edition because I realized it was fixed. For those not familiar with what I am referring to, in that season one tribe was clearly pulling away as the stronger of the two as the merger approached. They had won consecutive challenges, and if they won again (which it appeared they would: they were winning all the food and other bonuses, while the other tribe was tired and squabbling) they would have gone into the merger with a numerical advantage. Instead, what happened was a male contestant had an ‘accident’ in which he supposedly passed out and fell into a fire and burned himself. This was not caught on camera (what a shock). Instead, they showed some images of birds in trees, followed by a loud “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” This led to the tribes going into the merger even, creating better ratings and a more intriguing, less predictable show.

The second reason I hate reality tv boils down to this; every reality tv show that takes up a time slot means that there is one less opportunity for a new, actually interesting new show. Would a show like Seinfeld have ever gotten a chance if reality tv was already so firmly entrenched on the networks? I shudder to think about how much it would suck to have never had Seinfeld, which I consider to be one of the greatest shows of all-time.

Instead of giving writers with new, innovative ideas a chance, network executives are instead churning out piles of stinky, messy shit programming. Nothing better embodies this than America’s Got Talent, where we can watch street performers think they actually can make millions on their otherwise semi-interesting skill. On second thought, maybe the best example is Deal or No Deal, which requires so little brainpower for both host and contestant, yet somehow people are still dumb & greedy enough to go against all logical odds for a minimal chance at more money.

The point is, I would rather watch 10 terrible pilots for actual shows than watch one more episode of reality television. I’m sick and tired of networks rolling out these stupid, STUPID reality shows while there are probably hundreds of pilot scripts sitting gathering dust at the studios.

1. Loud Weight Lifting Guy
How many times have you been at the gym, lifting some weights, or on the treadmill, and have to endure some roided out jackass grunting like a god damn dying rhinoceros? For the record, I’ve never actually heard, or even seen a rhino, but I imagine it would sound somewhat similar.

But the point is, it’s a public space man. We get it. You’re working out really, really hard. We can see you lifting those ridiculously heavy weights that the rest of us can only aspire to oneday lift. But dude, I don’t need to listen to your primal sounds. I’m working hard too, and all you might hear from me is some breathing and the music blasting from my headphones. If I wanted to listen to hyper-testosterone men grunt I could just go to any XXX Movie theater. Shut the fuck up and let us work out in peace. When I can hear you through my headphones, we have a serious problem. Unless your arms are falling off like this guy below there’s really no place for it.

2. People Who Unneccesarily Weave Through Traffic:
This one really irks me. If I am driving down the road/freeway behind a car, and there’s really nowhere else to go because either the other lane is going just as slow, or there’s a big fucking truck to my left, than I’m just shit out of luck. But, oh, look behind me, some dude’s tailgating, then makes a point to whip around me as close to the back bumper as possible, then cut right in between me and the car I’m right behind. I always ask myself the same thing. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST ACCOMPLISH BY DOING THAT? Congratulations! Now, instead of being stuck behind a green Honda Accord in moderate traffic, you are stuck between my car and the car I was stuck behind. The dude must have just gained…15 feet, which at 60 miles per hour would help him get to his destination, what, 3 seconds sooner? Meanwhile, these drivers do this multiple times. It’s like watching a really lame racing video game.

3. Jack-In-The-Box late night: Many a J in the Bs are open until 2 am. As a frequent consumer of their 2 for $1 tacos, seasoned curly fries and milkshakes, I can almost always assume that any time after about 11 pm, they somehow, without fail, run out of milkshake ingredients. The conversation usually goes something like this:

JITB: Welcome to Jack in the Box can I take your order?
Me: Yeah, could I get 4 tacos, 1 small curly fries, a chicken sandwich and a chocolate shake please.
JITB: I’m sorry sir, but we are out of milkshakes.

Now what they really mean by that last line is this.

JITB: I’m sorry sir, but I’m a lazy son-of-a-bitch. I just cleaned the milkshake machine twenty minutes ago, which took all of 4 minutes, and now I don’t want to go and dirty it up again because I’m so busy.

I’ve also gotten the excuse that the machine was broken once or twice, which might be true, however since I was there late at night I am still suspicious.

Now, I have to be honest. When I used to work at Jamba Juice back during high school, I would do something similar. If we were closing, we would usually clean the orange juice machine about 2 hours before closing. If anybody ordered fresh OJ, we’d tell them the machine had broken. But have you SEEN those machines? Those things are huge, and take a legitimate 15 minutes to clean. Completely different…

There’s nobody else in the drive thru, probably won’t be for another 15 minutes after I leave. How long does it take to clean that little machine? 4, maybe 5 minutes? Shut the fuck up and make me my $3 milkshake.

That’s all for now, although I think I will make this a regular section. Expect more in the future when more things piss me off.

-This is not the best written book I have ever read. I would describe the general structure of the book as follows. Each chapter is basically a loosely associated set of examples that all reinforce some slight variation of Friedman’s main theme, being “wow, look at how much our world has changed in the age of globalization!”

-The examples are really the best parts of the book. Granted, some are more interesting than others, but I found quite a bit of interesting information in this book about various ways globalization has impacted our world in ways I would not have considered. For example, did you know that many hospitals now outsource the reading of X-Rays to workers in India? Neither did I. Equally interesting was all the new software that has been developed as a result of the need for ways to ensure confidentiality and security of information when it is transmitted over the internet.

-I wish Friedman had done a slightly better job of digging deeper and asking questions about what these technological advances may pose for the future of the respective industry. He often just falls back on his “look at how much globalization is changing things!” bit.

-My final thought was that for a book full of excellent examples, there are also many instances where Friedman makes assumptions. For example, his argument for outsourcing (which was actually quite good) goes like this: say a population has an unemployment rate of 5%, and say they want to buy laptop computers. Now, given that American labor is more expensive, those computers could be produced in that area for, say, $500 each. Or, if you outsourced that labor, which might mean unemployment temporarily rises to say…8%, these computers could then be purchased for $350. Friedman argues this is good for three basic reasons.
1) Outsourcing allows more people to purchase this valuable commodity.
2) More people having this commodity is beneficial to society as a whole, as it connects more people to the internet and exchanges of ideas, products, etc.
3) Those that lose their jobs will be forced to become more skilled, specialized workers if they want a job in an increasingly global workforce.

I fully believe in reasons one and two. More people having computers and being on the internet can certainly offer benefits to the global community. There are indeed countless examples in this book of people who started with an idea and a computer.

However, I think Friedman oversimplified the impact of reason 3. In an increasingly competitive global workforce, those that have more in demand skills (computer programming, math and science, etc) will have an advantage. But I view this to be a generational issue as much as anything. Those not born in the so-called Y2K generation are simply not as computer and tech savvy as the younger folks. I don’t think people don’t attain these skills because they don’t want to, but largely because the technology evolves and grows faster than they can keep up with it. It took my own Dad a good two years just to become somewhat familiar with Microsoft Word.

You don’t have to agree with everything Friedman discusses. But this book is worth the $10 or so (if you buy it used) because it will certainly open your eyes up to ways the world is changing that you never would have considered. And like I said, it is definitely a book of interesting information and examples, just don’t expect eloquent prose or complex sentence structure!